Emotionally Charged

No matter how many pregnant women I've been around *too many to count* or videos I've seen nothing fully prepared me for pregnancy. Yes there are instincts that naturally kick in and one knows what this or that means. But nothing, I say, nothing prepared me for the emotional side. If you know me well, you know I'm not a real emotional person and usually just let things slide right off. I'm alot like my dad in that sense. I don't let little things bother me or become big things. One it's not worth the time and worry and two it's not worth the energy. I love the saying, "Take an exlax and let that crap go." It's not worth holding on to and if you hold on to it too long you start to stink yourself. Anyhow that is the kind of person I usually am but lately I've been an emotionally charged mess. The tears flow without thought. Once they get started it's harder to stop them. Things I can usually overlook seem to be magnified at full power. I am annoyed so easily which makes for being uncomfortable in my surroundings most of the time. Things I can normally control are spinning out of control.
Actually, I don't feel we have control over anything and when we claim we do that's when God reminds us who has the real control. I can make all the plans I want and then God laughs and shows me or directs me in a new direction. I'm finding this very frustrating!! There have been some events in the last week or so that have flipped me upside down. One I didn't see coming at all that blew up into something that before it never would have gone to. Emotions were high on both sides. The other I should have anticipated and part of me did but it still didn't prepare me for my reaction to the matter.

I find myself apologizing to McKinley for getting so worked up over these things. He's got to think his mom is a crackpot by now! It's not good for him to go on these extreme roller-coaster rides with me, it's not good for me to be on them either. My concern is more for him than anything. I'm a firm believer that the baby feels what I do. I wish I could change this little part and work through those emotions better, but I just haven't found a way to do that yet.

So a warning to those around me, watch out I'm not holding anything back. Some things I may mean and others are just emotions speaking. I don't like to create ripples in calm but am not going to pretend I haven't done it and won't do it.